Sticky Hands

Talking to God, I was shocked when He brought up a sin that I realized I was not ready to confess just yet. Going deeper, it came to me, that the reason why I did not want to confess it was because I perceived it would bring pain and shame and I was enjoying God right then and did not want to ruin it. He then took me into a vision.

I was a toddler in the vision who just stuck her hands in mama’s fudge frosting. My guilt was obvious, and pleasure overcame the shame, as I licked the sticky sweetness off of my pudgy hands.

Papa was sitting in His big chair next to the fire and He called for me. I looked up wondering how to hide my hands and didn’t go to Him. Then I heard Him calling sweetly for me and I could not resist! I ran to Him and took a flying leap into His lap, not a thought to my dirty hands. He lifted me up and kissed me all over with raspberries on my belly. He loves me so much. He played horsy with me bobbling me up and down on His knee, peek-a-boo and other wonderful games.

It was then I voluntarily, in my toddler way, splayed my fingers and pointing with my other hand, showed Him my sin! He feigned surprise and swept me up into the kitchen and readied a bath in my favorite place, the kitchen sink.

When the water was just right, the bubbles perfectly mounded, he gently set me in the sink. Papa played with me and gently washed me and I helped him by presenting my body parts, arm, leg, sticky hand. He washed me until I was completely clean and wrapped me in a warm towel and brought me to His chair and cuddled with me until I fell into a deep slumber in His strong arms.

Nowhere in there did He make me feel guilty, ashamed, nasty, none of those things. He made me feel loved and cherished and when I didn’t want Him to get any more of my stickiness on Him I showed Him my sin, and He took it away.

Isn’t He good? Just go to Him and let His goodness bring you to repentance.

Vision of the King in the Ballroom

I was lying in bed just before sleep talking to the Lord and suddenly I was in a vision but in a vision so real I didn’t know if I was there or where I was! He said let me take you there, let go.

The room was expansive with tall ceilings and red walls and gilt moldings, shrouded in candlelight.  I could sense other people around, other beings, but I could not hear them. It seemed like a ballroom in a palace!

There stood in front of me, my Lord, King of Kings dressed in all finery.  Dark blue coat and gold braids adorning his light blue waistcoat with his breeches neatly tucked into fine leather black boots.  His beard was close and his dark brown hair in loose waves pulled back at the neck.  So, handsome, simply breathtaking! I had never seen him like this before!

His eternal blue eyes were trained on me. Oh, those eyes, those eyes I knew so well.  Waves of love were coming off him.  Desire.

I sensed I was dressed in a magnificent light blue ball gown, I could feel it on my body.  My hand reached to my neck to feel the heavy necklace I knew was there.  In my knowing, it was a diamond necklace.

I suddenly felt I was not good enough for him to pay attention to me.  I was very self-conscious since the last time I remember I was in my sleep t-shirt with tousled hair in my warm bed. He was so regal and commanding and stood in front of me looking right at me.  I felt exposed and wanting, uncomfortable, for he could see everything.

He lifted his arm for me to take and I saw my elegantly gloved hand reach for him. I could not look at his shining face. He led me over to a floor to ceiling window darkened by the evening.

“This is how I see you,” He said quietly.

I looked at my darkened reflection.  I caught my breath!  Looking back at me was a woman in her prime.  Royal.  Queenly.  Me.  My long red hair shown like copper cascading in waves, the sides brought up elegantly in an intricate twist. A crown twinkling in the luxuriant candlelight. A heavy diamond pendant necklace, just like I felt. My incredible gown, light blue, shot through with gold thread and motifs.

He took my hand gracefully; we started to dance.  Never once his eyes leaving me. I could smell his scent. Feel his breath. I knew his love.

Then I awoke.